Writing
This page will be used this year to highlight and provide samples of our current classroom writing. You will see here that children are progressing through the current writing focus, using language features such as as verbs, adverbs, abjectives and nouns. They will be working to improve their paragraphing and their abilities to write for specific audiences and of course will feature some of the editing of work that they use to improve their written work.
TERM 1: The focus of this term is procedural writing. So far children have worked on procedural texts such as recipes and instructions. They will be working to include devices such as diagrams to assist in the quality of their procedural texts.
The first samples seen here are part of our recipe writing. Children were to apply the language features and structure of recipes to a CRAZY idea.
TERM 2: The samples shown after our Crazy Recipes are examples of the descriptive work children are focusing on in class this term. They are under the category of ‘character description’ and have many of the same features as found in most narrative writing. Check out the children’s use of structural features, such as paragraphing, sentence organisation and also deeper features such as metaphor, similie, personification, and alliteration.
March 10th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
FRIED FRENZY FISH - DRAFT
INGREDIENTS
• Fried fish eyes
• Deep fried fish tails
• The guts of a fish
• Fish blood
• Fish poo
• Fish hearts
• 2000 frantic fish
METHOD
1. Turn the oven on 15000 degrees.
2. Sift the eyes and the tails together and pour in the blood.
3. Stir in the frantic fish and guts and kneed the dough.
4. Squash the fish heart and chuck it in.
5. Bake in oven for two seconds.
6. Melt the poo and drizzle it over the fish.
7. Bring a bucket to table for Vomit!!!!
By Anna
March 10th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Well done Anna! It seem’s you are making a great habit of being the first poster on our topics.
As you can see I have labelled you work as a draft, this I will do for each of the pieces of work that get posted. The idea is so that you can use this one as a work in progress. We will discuss ways in which it can be improved and other posters can offer ideas and feedback to each writer.
I won’t offer feedback to your one yet Anna, as I hope that someone else in our class can do so. You may even wish to post a reply indicating ways in which you yourself have chosen to improve this sample.
Although I will finish by saying - HOW TOTALLY GROSS!
Andrew
March 10th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Sheep Droppings Pie DRAFT
Ingredients
*10000 sheep droppings
*the guts of a sheep
*1L of sheep pee
*10 sheep brains
*500mls of sheep blood
*sheep snot
Method
1.mix the guts in with the blood in a bowl
2.sieve the snot in with the others
3.mix the droppings with the pee then pour into the bowl
4.squish the brains until they turn into a liquid and pour into the mixture
5.turn the oven on to 12000 degrees
6. bring a very large bucket to the table be prepeared to vomit enjoy!
March 11th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Spiky hot pizza DRAFT
Ingredients
For the topping:
• 1 mouldy Tomato
• 4 teaspoons of squids ink
• Ten cups of cactus thorns
• Two teaspoons of budgie droppings
• 1 chopped thistle
• 1 teaspoon of mouldy cheese
• 1 grounded chilly extra hot
• 2 spoons of curry powder
• Sheep droppings
For the base:
• 2 cups of maggot infested flour
• 2 cups of sand
• 2 goats horns finely grated
• 472 mss of camels boiled blood
Method
For the base
1 Sift the sand, goat’s horns and maggot eaten flour in to a tortoise shell and mix anti clockwise until well combined.
2 When mixed stir in the boiled camels blood.
3 Knead all the mixture and flatten to the shape of your choice but it needs to be flat
3 Leave in a fly infested area while you make the pizza topping
The toppings:
1. To make the paste add the tomato the budgie droppings and the curry powder into a hollow elephant tusk and bang up and down with a toilet brush that has been used if possible.
2. When the sauce is thick and smells of rotten egg then it is ready- place in the fly infested area.
3. Now you are ready to make the other toppings -get your mouldy cheese melt in the sun then place next to sauce in fly infested area.
4. In a vomit bowl randomly throw in your squid ink the sheep droppings and the cactus thorns beat clock wise for exactly 15 minutes the mixture will turn a mustard colour when ready.
5. Get your base and gently spread on the tomato paste then add the melted cheese
6. On top of the cheese drizzle on the remaining toppings.
7. Now cook in the oven at 987654321 degree heat and cook for an hour.
8. Garnish with thistle and chilli.
9. Serve immediately
Warning! Side effects may include lots of vomit and a very hot mouth. I advise you to take a bucket to the table and a cool drink.
Bon appetite!
By Kate
March 11th, 2008 at 8:34 am
The dead soup DRAFT
Ingredients
alive Cat
Alive dog
A human brain
2 Human legs
Chicken head
Method
1. Grab the alive cat and the alive dog and put them into the oven together and let them fight.
2. put the temperature to high
3. Grab the human brain and put it into a blender and blend the brain into it is all mashed up.
4. After 1 hour grab the cat and the dog that should be dead and put into a baking dish then pore the mashed brain in to the baking dish.
5. Roost the 2 human legs in the oven and put the temperature to 100.
6. After 20 min the legs should be cooked.
7. Grab the chicken head and put in the oven and put the temperature to 50.
8. Put the 2 human legs into the baking dish.
9. After 10 mints grab the chicken head and put into the baking dish and then eat.
By Andrew
March 12th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Poisonous porky-pine candy sticks - DRAFT
Ingredients
•2 porky-pines (with the spikes)
•1 cup of dishwashing liquid
•1 bucket full of horse diarrhoea
•3 teaspoons of cow dried up cow snot
•(the 5 flavours) ½ a cup of; reptile blood, camel spit, dried up snot from a dog, vomit from a cat eaten then, vomited back out again and ½ a cup of pen or squid ink.
Utensils
•1 large knife and spoon
•6 empty trays
•1 Teaspoon
•1 Measuring cup
•1 large bowl
•1 stick
Method
1.Pre-heat the oven to 180degrees.
2.Take one of the bowls then place the two porky-pines in the bowl.
3.Carefully pick of the porky-pine spikes one by one then separate them in to the 6 empty trays.
4.Poor each of the different 5 flavours each into there own tray with the porky-pine spikes in. leave to soak for 5-10minutes.
5. When all the spikes are set poor the dishwashing liquid over them along with the horse diarrhoea making sure all the spikes are covered.
6. Sprinkle the cow snot over the porky-pine sticks the put them in the oven for 10-20minutes but check every 5minutes with a stick by poking it in. If it’s soft in the inside (you poke your stick in to the porky-pine candy stick to check) cook it for another 5minutes or so.
7. Serve them any way you won’t but what ever you do don’t break them because slime from the inside of the porky-pine candy sticks will go every where casing a gas and if you breathe it in you will instantly die.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Cold worm Pasta - DRAFT
Ingredients
Ink
Alive worms
Sheep poo
Rotten tomatoes
Gloves
Method
1.Open up the can and be careful not to drop a worm on the floor.
2.Put the worms into a bowl, put a lid on it.
3.Put the bowl into the micro wave for 10 seconds so they do not die.
4.Take the lid off the bowl.
5.Make some tomato juice.
6.when the tomatoes are juice pour it on the worms
7.Put your gloves on, one by one put the sheep poo in the bowl.
8.Pour the ink onto the worms.
9.Put the cutlery on the table and be ready to eat.
By Francesco
March 12th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
CHEESEY SLUG PASTA - DRAFT
WARNING:DO NOT TRY AT HOME!
INGREDIENTS:
.2 kg of Blue chesse
.5 rotten brussle sprouts
.1 small punnet of strawberries
.53 garden worms
.half a jar of marmarlade
.500g of slugs
. tomato sauce
method
1. grate blue cheese and put in the fridge
2. finely chop brussle sprouts and sprinkle into a bowl
3. remove stalks from strawberries using a knife then mash.
4. add strawberries to bowl
5. put tomato sauce and marmarlade in a blender. Blend until smooth then pour into bowl.
6. boil worms for 20 minutes
7. melt blue cheese in microwave in a bowl then pour into worms. Mix
8. fry slugs until brown
9. serve slugs on top of chessey worm pasta with salad
serves 3-4
March 13th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Chocolate Moose - DRAFT
You will need:
• Seven moose’s (still alive).
• Eight chocolate bars infested with rats.
• Your left hand (hopefully you are right handed).
• Two reindeer horns.
• A snail’s heart.
Method
1. Carefully slice moose’s up thinly and throw into oversized bowl.
2. Slowly melt chocolate bars in microwave until melted but not hot. Then mix thoroughly and pour into bowl.
3. Quickly grab a sharp knife and chop off your left hand. Hopefully you are a zombie and grow a new one. Or a time lord.
4. Throw your hand in the bowl in with the reindeer horns and do a taste test.
If you vomit you’ve done pretty well. If you die, you are an amazing cook (who is history). But if you smile and lick you’re lips you are terrible.
5. Next happily cook soup for 7 seconds and serve with strands of the snail heart.
DO NOT ENJOY.
March 13th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Kaylas crazy recipe
Baked Eyeball Delight!
Ingredients
- 1 ton of Dried Ants
- 1 cup of Fresh Childrens Eye Balls
- 2 1/2 cups of Slushy Snail Slime
- 4 cups of Freshly picked Cicada Skins
- 6 cups of Childrens bloody guts (not the swear word bloody)
- 3 cups of Old Cats tails
- 100,000 ton Fresh Organic Mud
Method
1. Mix the ants and the cats tails together to make it crunchy
2. Take the 100,000 ton of fresh mud and mix it with the childrens bloody guts. Add this to the ant and cat mixture to make it very smooth
3. Grate the childrens eyeballs and blend it all together
4. Beat in the slushy snail slime and put into a large baking dish
5. Finally crush the cicada skins and sprinkle over the top
6. Put into a prewarmed oven for 3 to 4 hours, or until golden brown
7. WARNING! This dish may look and taste disgusting, unless you are an Ogre. You have been warned!!
March 14th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Crazy recipe - DRAFT
Hot Flying pig snout cake
1.Take five bananas cut into nostril shapes
2.Add 2 cups of flour
3.1 cup of sugar
4.2 tsp baking powder
5.1 tsp vanilla essence
6.add fifteen flying bats ears
7.smash 3 chillies
8.combine in blender at super high speed for 5 minutes
9.slosh into round cake 18” tin
10.bake for 30 minutes at 180 Celsius
11.catch when it as it fly’s out of the oven door & flip onto a flat plate
Icing
Mix 100 mls of pig snot with 1 cup of icing sugar & I cup of cream
Drizzle over entire cake & serve immediately
Serves 6 crazy people
Enjoy!!!!!
March 14th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Porcupine Pie - DRAFT
Ingredients
2 porcupine (you can also use hedgehogs)
1 cup of peas
Lots of garlic
10 toadstools
I small mouse (tail removed)
Pastry sheets
Slice Porcupine into very small pieces
Fry garlic in olive oil – add mashed toadstool - fry also
Add those ingredients into the food processor and mix together
When all ingredients are a nice blood red colour add the green peas
Line the pie tin with pastry and add filling.
Cover with a pastry top.
Grind mouse in small pieces and sprinkle over like seasoning
Bake until golden brown.
March 14th, 2008 at 8:42 am
The Vampire Drink - DRAFT
Ingredients
water 1 glass
2 tbl spoons of type “A” blood
2 tbl spoons of Clover honey
a handful of of ladybugs (the finest type)
2 servings of exotic fruits (of any choice)
4 caterpillars (for the creamy texture)
1 Emu egg ( regular size )
1 glass of home brand style apple juice
Method
Get the fruits and cut it up into bite size pieces
get the caterpillars and put them in a bowl then add the fruits in with them
add the clover honey into the bowl and blend until smooth and creamy
take the Emu egg and separate the white from the yolk.( keep the yolk for later)
Put the type “A” blood and mix it with the egg white and apple juice until fluffy
now combine all of your mixtures together and put in the fridge for 1 hour get it out after 1 hour and pour it into a glass
lastly take the Emu egg yolk and mix it with the ladybugs and pour as a garnish
Add a straw and decorations of your choice and………..
ENJOY!!!!!
March 14th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Hi world,
This is my my crazy recipe:
SLUG JUICE - DRAFT
INGREDIENTS:
2 buckets of Slug slime
1 cup freshly drained slug spew
5 drops of snail tears
pinch of rotten leaves
Step 1: Pour 2 buckets of slug slime into a vase
Step 2: Add slug spew and squish down with your feet while singing your favourite slug song
Step 3: Sprinkle over snail tears and change song to your favourite snail song
Step 4: “Hi Five” the rotten leaves into your mixture
Step 5: Finish with a dramatic ending to your song
Step 6: grab smelly straw and drink it all
Enjoy.
Camille
March 14th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Hot dog sausage - DRAFT
Ingredients
.2dog tails
.5 sausages from kiwis
.6 dog livers
.1 bottle of fizzy bone drink
.8 cat bones
Method
1. Cut the five sausages into 2 cm pieces and put them into the pan.
2. Cut the dog tails into small pieces and put them into the pan.
3. Put the bottle of fizzy bone drink and stir it.
4. Cut the dog livers and put them in the pan and mix in together.
5. Cook the food for 15 minutes and then leave it to cool down.
6. Make 8 sausage shapes and put one sausage on each cat bone.
7. ENJOY YOUR MEAL!
CJ
March 17th, 2008 at 9:53 am
SUNDAY STARFISH STIRFRY - DRAFT
what you will need:
-7 starfish
-3 carrots
-2 caspicums
-15 beans
-4 piecses of brocholey
-3table spoons of olive oil
METHOD:
1: start the stove and put a pan on top.
2:pour in your olive oil into the pan
3:put in the starfish
4:cut up all the veges and then pop them into the pan.
5:leave to cook for 20mins
6:after it has finished you can pour it onto a plate to eat off
7: grab a knife and a fork to eat with.
8: serve it with freshley squeezed orange juice
9: eat up because it is very very good
HOPED YOU LIKED IT!!!!!!!
thanks jock.
March 17th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Snail Cocktail -DRAFT
*what you will need:
*2 snails
*cup of cat wee
*1 olive
*mini umbrella
method
1 Grab your cocktail glass and pour the cat
wee into it.
2 Mash one of your snails up and add it to
the cat wee.
3 Now place the remaning snail on top of
your glass and plonk the olive on top to.
4 Use the mini umbella to make it look nice
and so your older sibbling will drink it.
March 17th, 2008 at 9:54 am
draft
boiled class nerd (smarty pants )
-1 class nerd
-41b5 exer size books
-2 pens (black ink)
-1:place the class nerd on a cooking tray . Place him/her in the micro wave FOR 4 mins.
-2:when it is finished seperate the limbs and place each in its own pot then boil at 1000 degrees for 3 minuites .
-3:re conect the body with the pens
March 17th, 2008 at 9:55 am
earlobe martinie - DRAFT
ingredients
4 blue earlobes
4 red earlobes
250mls of kidney waste
1 frozen stomach
method
1.Use a knife to cut the top off the stomach , then hollow it out so its like a cup
2.mix kidney waste with the red earlobes in the stomach for taste
3.then add the blue earlobes for colour
4.put the stomach lid on the stomach as a lid & shake until well mixed
5.serve cold
March 17th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Crazy recipe.
Choclate ears - DRAFT
1.First put an bone of salt.
2.Second mix a nose off lamb.
3.Then ster an stomach with chicken.
4.Now have a eye ball with beef.
5.Then now have an head of pepper.
March 17th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Crazy recipe
(Mummy Milk shake) - DRAFT
.5 cups of cow poo.
.3 bowls of human blood
.2 cups of witch eye balls
.6 cups of spiders
.10 bowls of elephant eye balls
.1 cup of poo
Method
1.First grab a dirty bowl that hasent been yoused before.
2.Grab the 5 cups of cow poo and quiickly pour it in.
3.Thirdly grab the three bowls of human blood with your left hand and grab the two cups of witch eye balls and slowly pour both ingredients into the bowl and quickly stir until its smooth.
4.Now grab all the laft over ingredients and pour it slowly in the bowl.
5.Stir it until it iis smoother than smooth.
6.Pour it into cups and serve.
March 17th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
MargaretRae I like your crazy recipe maby you could add in a bit more deatil to make your recipe more interesting.
Svevlana I like your story its really cool but you dont have your ingreadents list so it is a bit confusing.
Gilbert I like the way that you used the word moose in two types of ways you crazy recipie sounds gross.
Anna your crazy recipie is awesome I dont like fish but fish blood fish tails fish poo and all that is gross.
Cj your crazy recipie is utterly distusting I dont think I would like to eat it it would make me sick.
March 17th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Ashley: I like how Ashley put quite a few interesting ingredients into her CRAZY RECIPE. But I think she could have used a few more interesting verbs and adverbs in it.
Gilbert:I like the interesting verbs and adverbs that you used eg. carefully,quickly ect. ect.
Margret-Rae: I really like in the ingredients you put a few different ingredients to everyone else but, you also put a couple of adverbs in the ingredients list.
March 17th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Anna: that is humongusly grose i would never eat that i like the idea about the vomit bucket.
Kate: i like your ingredeints.
Svetlana: i just wanted to know where your ingredeints were because it only has the method and it makes it hard to understand if you dont have them.
Andrew O: i was just wondering how you are suppost to have live animals in your soup.
Jock: i like the idea of starfish stirfry it caught my eye.
Camille: just wondering what rotten leaves are????
Anyway got to go se you later.
March 17th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Ashley, Francesco-I really like how your CRAZY RECIPES where so interesting and disgusting but in some of your ingredients you didn’t tell how much you need of your ingredients.
Harry- I really like how yours is so funny, disgusting and different at the same time!
Jock-I love how you have described the ingredients but in the first maybe you could tell what to pre-heat the oven to.
Thanks Anneke
March 17th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Camille: Yours sounds really disgusting I would definitely vomit if I drank it. It sounds like something of fear factor which is a tv program.
Kayla:Yours is really disgusting especially grating the eyeballs and the ogre part. I thought it was really funny!
Kate:I liked yours because the ingredients were disgusting and it was really funny!
March 17th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Well done to all of you for beginning to show that you are willing to give feedback.
Please remember that you are to give contructive feedback, this means that you should give examples of how those people could possibly improve their piece of writing.
Isabella was the one who mentioned some ways of improving the writing by mentioing verbs used. Kate also mentioned how to improve, but you must give examples.
Please offer ways to improve - for example:
Jack, I really liked the way that you said “Mix the dogs toe nails into the flea brains.” I think you could improve your work by using adverbs like “Slowly or quickly or enthusiastically” in front of “mix”. You could also maybe say “..flea brains mixture or batter or combination”
Keep up the good work. If you have posted and want to rephrase what you have written please do so. There is no limit to how many times you post. If someone has asked you a question, write a response.
March 18th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Kate: I really like your recipe and how you had two things going at the same time.
Iosa: I think you could use more adjectives e.g. Firstly, happily, rapidly and so on but apart from that GROSS.
Ashley: I like how your recipe is clear and how you said to not bake it at home, you could maybe to improve you could also add in some more addjetives like madly, crazily, sleepily and so on.
Svetlana: I like your recipe but I think you should add the ingredients because it is hard to understand.
Amelia: Again I think you could add more adjectives like angrily, stupidly, slowly and so on but I really liked it!!!!
March 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
hi ashley here
Gilbert i really liked your recipe because at first when i looked at the title i thought yum then i looked at the ingredints and i thought gross .I was just thinking maybe you could double check it because at the end you called it soup and the title is choclate moose.i also think the way you said DO NOT ENJOY .
March 18th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Anna I think you should put on your post how much of fish blood you need. I know that I did it myself but it does sound discusting! Iosa I like how you used those adjectives, Svetlana you should put your ingredients on because people won’t know what you mean.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Felix here - I am going to add adjectives and adverbs with tense words because my recipe didn’t have many.
Porcupine Pie - MODIFIED DRAFT
Ingredients
2 spiky porcupine (you can also use hedgehogs)
1 cup of green peas
Lots of tasty garlic
10 large toadstools
I small fluffy mouse (tail removed)
2 thin pastry sheets
Slice the spiky Porcupine into very small pieces.
Now fry the garlic in olive oil, then add the mashed toadstool.
Gently pour the ingredients into the food processor and thoroughly mix together.
When all ingredients are a nice blood red colour add the green peas.
Carefully line a cold pie tin with the thin pastry and add the delicious filling.
Cover with a pastry top.
Grind the mouse tail into small pieces and sprinkle over like seasoning.
Bake until golden brown in a hot oven.
Enjoy the meal.
I like Francesco’s cold worm pasta. There are some great ideas but it sounds pretty yukky. You could add some more adverbs and adjectives. That would make the recipe sound even more disgusting.
Amelia your recipe is cool too. I liked the ingredients because they sound so hideous. I like the idea of having a bucket ready for the vomit.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Crazy recipe.
Rabbit suprise - DRAFT
A rabbit
Some carrots
A cabbage
A celery
1.First boil up the veges.
2.Second put them in the fridge for the night.
3.Then in the morning get the veges.
4.Now put the veges in the cage then when the rabbit wakes up it get a suprise.
If you got a rabbit then you could do this recipe.
From Svetlana.
March 19th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Hi it’s amber from scotland. I just want to say your recipes look delicious!
March 19th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
crazy recipe
elf tranfromation - DRAFT
You will need
.a 1 metre spoon
.a 1 metre drawf
.a loyal red hair body guard
.a smart techer
.a 2 metre boiling pot
.a pair of birds wings
method.
1.frist take a 1 metre dwarf and carfuly mix it with a pair of birds wings
2.then put the 1 metre flying dwarf in the boiling pot
3.next put the red hair body gaurd in the boiling pot
4. then finaly add a smart techer in the pot and quickly mix all the things in the pot and your done
by ahmed
March 19th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Hi guys
Iosa, I really like the way you desribed how the stuff needed to be e.g:smoother than smooth.
But I think you could use more adverbs at the start of each sentence because then it would be more detailed.
Harry, I like the way you made recipe short, easy and funny, but where did the exersise books come in? I personally love exersise books!
Gilbert!
March 20th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
crazy recipe: The beautiful Blueberry cupcakes - VISITOR POST
Ingredients: 1/2 a cup of blueberry’s, 1 pinch of salt, 2 cups of suger and baking soda.
Method: Firstly get out a bowl and mix in hardly the blueberry’s and the baking soda. Secondly put in the pinch of salt. leave for about 10-20mins till dry.Then put in oven for 15mins and bake at 250′C.
This recipe is not real. don’t try this at a home.
From Daniel B
March 21st, 2008 at 9:40 am
Recipe:
Strawberry wood - VISITOR POST.
ingredeints:Some strawberrys,1/2 of sugar,1/4 of a bowl
Method:
1. First get some strawberrys from the wood.
2.Second get a 1/2 of suger.
3.Then get a 1/4 of bowl and stir it up.
From Gabrielle david,joey.
March 27th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Hello,
All of your recipes are amazing!
Here is one of mine:
Chocolate Cake:
Equipment:
1. Scissors
2. large bowl
3. spoon
4. a measuring cup
5. An Oven
Ingredients:
1. 2 cups of dirt
2. 1 cup of water
3. 2 cups of baking soda
4. 1/2 cup of bark
Method:
1. Firstly pour all the dirt into the large bowl.
2. Next tip the water in the same bowl creating mud.
3. Then place each piece of bark around the bowl.
4. To add an extra touch pour ALL the baking soda in the same bowl to create a bit of excitement and stir it for at least 1 minute.
5. After that place the mixture in the oven for 45 minutes on 180c, have fun watching it rise
6. Finally take it out the oven and sprinkle finely cut petals all over it to make it look more inviting.
7. Eat it!
From Louisa
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Hi its Felix here this is my character description of toa Kopaka. Kopaka likes to be left alone and doesn’t like conversations. Kopaka has one telescopic eye and one normal eye. He has an ice sword and a shield. He lives in Ko Koro the village of ice on Mata Nui. He is also a Toa hero of Ice. He protects the Ko Matoran. He doesn’t often get along with his other Toa team mates. Koapaka is the only Toa that wears the Konohi mask of x-ray vision.
June 4th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Great start Felix.
I liked your ideas - but you should try and rewrite this one. Place your character into a setting/scene. I could kind of imagine him with what you had written, but think that you could do a better job and let us know more about what he is actually like.
For example: Kopaka stood upon the litter strewn battlefield, he could sense that something was not quite right. Using his telescopic eye, he scanned the area for breathing bodies, moving creatures large or small. The dust blew; a tear formed in his good eye and and dropped like a diamond to the dry ground below. Times were hard for the Toa.
Andrew
June 4th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Hi its Amelia. Here is my character description of Anne frank.
Anne Franks dark brown eyes looked liked a tree trunk at night.Her short brown hair hung down like curtains except shorter. Her short dress that came above her knees had colorful patterns like all sorts of flower petals gathered together. Her black shoes with straps were as dark as ants.
Anne loved to write and tell her feelings into her diary she also liked to read.
Her family were Jewish. The Germans hated Jews and sent them away to work camps and gassed them if they survived for too long.
She was hiding in a place called the Annexe in Amsterdam while world war two was happening so they wouldn’t get caught and sent away. They spent two years in the Annexe and got caught by the the germans on August 1944.They got taken to a concentration camp. Anne’s dad was the only one out of eight of her family to survive it. Anne frank died in winter 1944 from a disese that comes in winter called typhus.
June 5th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Her blue eyes looked up to her mother like the clear blueness of the sea with little golden stars in the centre. Her pale little face looked absolutely innocent; however she wasn’t, as she had been bossing her siblings around as usual. She was making them tidy up the house despite all the homework they had.
When she started school everyone teased her and called her Fourth the Dwarf because she was the forth child in her family and was short like a dwarf.
But her hair, that’s another story, she treats her hair like her best friend, brushing 1 hour before and after school. She has to wake up at up at 5am to be in time for school! She gets constant insults about here hair at school such as: “hey Fourth the Dwarf your hair is like blonde hair dyed in dung, I mean it’s so brown”
June 6th, 2008 at 7:53 am
A dark room. A made up character description by Anneke. hope you enjoy
The bright light gleamed down at her diamond blue eyes not allowing her to open the slit of her eye lid. There was voice that spoke, her mum. Then a click and with that click it went all dark. Her pale dainty hands clutched around the blanket like as if it was a long lost doll. She was scarred, she reached a trembling hand to wipe back her red soft hair that ways fall back down like a habit done on purpose. There was a beep, the girl tilted her head able to see her clock. It was 7:00am. The morning, it was all just a dream.
The end
June 6th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
My dad wasn’t always drunk, but today he was, it is a new day,a new day to stand back with complete HORROR.
Now he comes stomping as loud as an elephant,his long hairy hands shook up and down as if he were a gorrila running up to its prey.His dark brown hair shot back as he flew forward .His long large legs loosened up and flung to the side.
Now I’m thinking of my poor body lying in the grave yard, now he has attacked, not me but my house,CRACK,BOOM,KASAM,KABOOMB!
I hear noise as loud as a dinosour stampeed. Now we call the police - 111.
They are already hear, they were as fast as Usain Bolt or should I say Iosa the lighting bolt.
My dad is now asleep, he feels a strong feeling of joy, now he is in the car dreaming of himself running faster than Usain Bolt,faster than a cheetah, but not faster than Iosa the Lightning Bolt.
He tries to go faster but it is impossible for a man like him to beat a boy like me.
Now he is in jail alone,his large hairy body shivers as if he were a robot ready to explode. He wakes up and realises hes in jail.
In jail FOREVER!!!
June 7th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Hi, it’s Kevin.
This is the charactor description of Harry Potter. I got this infomation from J.K. Roling’s book and the movie.
Harry Potter is about the same age as us. He has a red lightnig scar on his forhead from Lord Voldemonts attack. He has brown eyes, black hair, and wears round glasses. He is quite skinny, little and short.
Harry Potter loves Hogwards - his school, likes Hogmeands - city in Hogwards, he likes his two friends “Ron and Hermione”, likes Hagrid - a teacher, likes quidich - a sport. He hates the Durleys - his uncle and aunty and Molfoy - his classmate.
Harry potter is very brave, clever, always got ideas, helpful he always help people in danger, he loves exploring, he doesn’t always lisen to the Headmaster, sometimes he wants to go where it is out of bounds.
June 8th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
character description of Addie from abook called The Two Princesses of Bamarre
Her gold crown shined under the golden rays of the sun.
Addie’s blond hair softly touching her glittery white dress.
Her rosy cheecks over her perfect white rosy skin.
Her reddish lips shined over the sun’s gold rays.
Addie’s pretty blue eyes looking gently at her younger sister, Meryl.
Her tender sisterly love was nothing compared to the hudge earth.
June 9th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
hiharryhere
Character discription
the small homless boy stood in the middle of the exodus.
Deep down he was sad he had no body to be there for him no mum , no dad & no siblings. the wind was in his dark face and his black hair waved in the early morning brease .
he was scaird becouse in this world there was nobody for him and he was so cold in his brown ragy coat.
June 9th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Hi guys,
This is my character description. Its made up.
His huge sombrero sat on top of his head like a pancake. The sun beat down on his face and sweat drizzled down his nose. He looked like a professional cowboy with his stripy Singlet and long shorts but deep down inside he knew he couldn’t even tie a lasso. His small, brown goatee hung down from his chin and straight black hair wobbled as he raised his gun. He was sitting on top of his donkey Barney, and he felt like kicking someone. He was angry.
A man was standing in front of him. He looked helpless and small as the big man on the donkey towered above him.
“Please don’t hurt me Jollython Wag!” begged the man, “I’ve got a wife and three kids! How would your mother like it if you shot me? Do you remember? Your old mother who made you work for the water pistol making company? How would she like it?”
“I’m sorry, Mr.Mabbie but its too late.” Said Jollython as he slowly pulled down the trigger of the gun. But as he did this, his big eyes widened as he remembered something. The bullet came out of the gun and splashed Mr.Mabbie in the face. At first, Mr.Mabbie was confused. Then he realised. The gun had been a water pistol.
Good old mama Wag!
Gilbert
June 10th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Hi gueys Francesco here
this is my character description
The boy sat there at the bus stop crying, he had lost his mum in a car accident and his dad had died when he was only two. He was off to an orthan home with no one he knew, if a geanie would ever to pop up ,all he would wish for was to be in heaven with his parents.
June 10th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Hi this is Daphney I’ve been reading a book called The Two Princesses of Bamarre and this is my character desciption
A character description of Meryl from abook called The Two Princesses of Bamarre
As the wind blew softly her black curls flew and fell back to her brown gown.
Meryl was a kind and playful girl.
She loves her cat Saphire.
Saphire was a gift from father,the king of Bamarre on my sisters birthday.
Meryl always play with her outside our castle on the field.
Meryl is older than me for 5 years.
She is very good at arts,math and science.
She is very talented.
She loves dressing up.
Meryl always wear her golden crown,she never forget to wear it.
My father admires her dark blue eyes.
He says that it was blue as the sea.
Meryl somtimes tell jokes to me.
It always mak me laugh.
She is very kind to me.
She is very playful.
Meryl somtimes play with me.
She told father on her birthday she likes a goldfish as a present.
She loves fishes and cats.
June 10th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
This is my character description of Sora.
‘Why am I the chosen one?’ said Sora, his black spikey hair getting blown back by the wind. His pale skin turning whiter by each minute.
His red clothes turning black by magic.’Who am I?Where am I?What am I?’ Thought Sora.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Jack’s blue glowing eyes reflected the computer screen. He could see nothing except for the game that he was playing. I could see the stress on his face. It seemed like his worst enemy was in front of him, it was as if I could see the blood in his eyes.
It looked like he was death because no matter how much I called him he wouldn’t answer me.
After 10 minutes he won for the first time in ever. He was shouting like mad, he stood up he jumped up and began screaming, “I won! I won!”
He was trying to make me jealous but I didn’t even like that game. I’m the type of person that would rather read books then play on the computer.
June 11th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Hi guys…
Its Svetlana here….
My charater description!
On a sunny day Crystal toto the poddle went to the park.They were playing on the playground.Then toto got lost in the bushes.Crystal found him.Then crystal forgot there way home.Soome of Crystal’s friends new her way home.They took her and they found it.As they got home they played some games,had dinner,watched a movie,read a story and went to bed.
From Svetlana…….
June 11th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
This is a character description that I made up about a girl called fleur.
Her long wavy hair so white it looked bleached blew behind her in to the dark as she stared upon the endless waves rolling onto the dark damp sand.
It was like the sea was her best friend and her only one as well for her mum and dad were at work all day in the town and she had no sisters or brothers to keep her company. Suddenly out of the corner of her misty green eye she saw what looked like the sail of a toy boat but as it moved closer it looked like a dolphins fin. Fleur gasped at that very same moment in time a strong wind whistled it sounded something like
“go to the cliff you will see what you have been seeing” “what the heck” said fleur although she wasn’t meaning to say anything at all the words slipped out.It took her a few moments to get what the wind meant but with that she grabbed her blue and white canvas bag full of different types of shells that she enjoyed collecting and her bare feet ran up the slippery steps and along the dewy grass over to the edge of the cliff it was as high as mount Everest.
She gulped but out in the distance she saw the most amazing thing that she had seen in the glistening sea she saw a single grey dolphin staring up at her with dark eyes like beads. And with that she plunged into the cool water and swam over to the dolphin and touched its smooth grey skin. She then had the sudden urge to ride the dolphin and stay with it for ever. She new she could never stay with it but slowly she hoisted herself on to the dolphins back. As soon as she had gotten on “whoosh” off the dolphin speed cutting through the sea like a knife then it did the thing that fleur had wanted most to do in her whole life it threw its self in to the air Fleur’s hair spraying water behind her as the bright moon light flooded the air showing her freckles so clearly against her pale face they looked painted on.
She was back on land her mini denim shorts and white singlet were now dripping wet with salty water.Whatever happened that night fleur would never ever forget it -it was her dream come true and nothing would ever beat it she thought as she walked up the slippery steps to her house.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
My grandpa used to be a army fighter , well that’s he says. He say it all began in the 2end world war ,him running round in the battle field not a pretty site his fack teeth would probably fall out and his one real eye would hopefuly be the last thing of his body standing. My grandpa says he would never join the army again because he adores his wife dippsy the puppet which I think is great because when he was younger he was always left alone.He always just sits there staring at his beady blue eyes and he always flicks his orange heir back behind him.
I think my around is very weird but I still love him what ever the weather.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Hi guys
Here is my charter description.
There he sat struggling to keep his human shape.
He fingers had a faint of light dancing around like fairy’s on a summer’s day.
His mind was buzzing; he was thing about the Swedish boys.
Even though he is a local around New Zealand he looked lost.
I suspect when he was little he was on Americas got talent for his magic tricks and won!!!
He was wearing an orange top bright as the sun.
He was lonely as he did not have a wife.
Suddenly he made a quick move and vanished.
See If you could guess who I choose to write about.
Bye Anna
Hi guys
Here is my charter description.
There he sat struggling to keep his human shape.
He fingers had a faint of light dancing around like fairy’s on a summer’s day.
His mind was buzzing; he was thing about the Swedish boys.
Even though he is a local around New Zealand he looked lost.
I suspect when he was little he was on Americas got talent for his magic tricks and won!!!
He was wearing an orange top bright as the sun.
He was lonely as he did not have a wife.
Suddenly he made a quick move and vanished.
See If you could guess who I choose to write about.
Bye Anna
June 11th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Hi jock here,
this is my chracter description,
His sparkling blue eyes stared awckwouldy at the shining blonde haired girl in the second row.
his dark brown hair was only cut yestoday, as he saw a drible crawl down his face.HE NOW NEW IT WAS TIME TO MAKE HIS MOVE!!!!
As he checked his breath, it smealt like last weeks blue cheese pasta as he grabbed his minty fresh smints out of his small pocket of his tracksuit pants.
he felt nerves as he stood and started to walk but not forwards he walked BACK!!!! as much as he tried his skinny shvilled up legs but it was no use.
CRACK,POW,BOOM!
he had smacked into the back wall of the class room and knocked over the classes globe bang it had hit the floor oh he would be in for it now!!!
He walked back to his desk sat down and looked at his maths asiment as he gave out a sigh!!
Jock.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Hello Room 18.
There are some excellent and well written character descriptions being created. I have enjoyed imagining these people and have really ’seen’ them in my mind. I am sure other readers would agree to the quality of these.
My advice to Svetlana is that you need to focus on the character. I didn’t get a clear image of your person; what did they look like? What were they like as a person?
Jock, Hannah and others. Please read your work before submitting, there are some obvious spelling and grammar errors in your work and I know that you could have easily modified this before sending it in. In class I will allow you time to fix this.
Jock, you may notice I took off the ‘It was all a dream’ part. We spoke about that as being over done in alot of children’s writing. You can edit your work to improve it and I know you can spell alot better than what you have posted.
All in all - keep posting. Keep on working those descriptions - you should be proud of your work here.
Andrew
June 12th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Hi Felix here,
Here is my rewrite.
Kopaka Toa of Ice
Toa Kopaka stood on a crevasse in the icy region of Ko-wahi. The gleam of his bright eyes refected on the ice over the lake. His keen ears picked up a rumbling sound. He turned around and used his mask of x-ray vision to scan the mountain side. Huge boulders of ice were tumbling towards him. An avalanche!
Still Toa Koapak did nothing. When it was one metre away he raised his ice blade. The boulders stopped in mid air. He tapped the cloest one to him and the boulders fell to the ground and shattered into thousands of pieces.
June 12th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Hi I didn’t finish…..
It was a stunning Autumn morning & leaves lay thick on the ground.
Dad pulled open the huge curtains and a beam of light shone in like a golden temple.
OOPS, I remember his gruff voice telling me to get up before the first peep of light - Too Late!!!
He was at the window peering down his binoculars, elbows heavy on the window sill and legs wide apart. I sat & watched as his body jumped & his fingers pulled back the trigger, BANG!!
He got the first Pheasant of the day. Oh and of course this means a lot of bragging at breakfast.
He was dressed all in the same dark dirty green colour clothes with his ordinary clothes underneath- I think this is to act as a camoflague.
He looks gruff and unshaven with a ruddy face like a grey haired old man, but he is not shoeless! He is wearing his loved redbands!
On these Saturdays when we can go shooting he teatches me things as well, about being responsible & how to call the birds. You squeeze your nose, not too hard with your index finger & thumb and squak in a low voice like a baby WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH !!!!
And of course this is not a day to forget our favourite canine friend OSCAR! His job is too retrieve the birds. This is the best day ever like pavlova with DOUBLE, TRIPLE CREAM!!!
By the way in case you think my Dad is old with whiskers like a rodent, he is not. He is clean Shaven & fun…
June 12th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
His little blue eyes were looking around; he couldn’t see any thing but trees and grass. His black hair dripping with sweat and his police badge was shining in the bright sun as he looked around for crimes.
There was a black car speeding, the policeman jumped into his under cover police car. He started the chase, and he called the station.
“ We have got a high speed chase. He is going down Balmoral Street. He has stopped and he has popped a tire. I am now taking him to jail.”
“Once again you have stopped crime, good work!” Said the Captain.
He drove the car slowly to the police station and locked the guy up for a year.
June 12th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
CHARACTER DESCRIPTION
This character description is on a girl called Becky.
From a book called Triplets by Holly Webb.
Phsical:Becky has straight, blonde hair.
She has blue eyes like the colour of the deep blue sea.
She also has freckles on her face.
Becky has rosy lips with a huge smile on her face most of the time.
Emotional:Becky always gets sad and upset when people hurt her feelings. She becomes happy when her friends and her sisters cheer her up when she is sad. When ever Becky sees an animal she feels sorry for it, because she loves animals.
Personal:Becky is a very shy, sensitive,and a caring girl towards people and animals. She always likes helping the children who are in need of help in her school. Also Becky never likes arguing or fighting with her sisters. She always cheers the children in her school with a smiley face when their sad.
June 12th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
A dark room. A made up story by Anneke
The bright light gleamed down at her diamond blue eyes not allowing her to open the slit of her eye lid. There was voice that spoke, her mum. Then a click and with that click it went all dark. Her pale dainty hands clutched around the blanket like as if it was a long lost doll. She was scarred, she reached a trembling hand to wipe back her red soft hair that ways fall back down like a habit done on purpose. There was a beep, the girl tilted her head able to see her clock. It was 7:00am. The morning.
The end
( This is my one with the changes )
June 12th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Hi Everyone,
Here is my character description:
His fair hair blew in the wind, trying to get across the sand dunes. His beady blue eyes closing in the sandy air. Struggling to get to shelter, he stumbled over his pale shoelaces. He lay there; lifeless and no one in sight for miles. But if you looked closely, deep down inside, you would be able to see the faintest glimmer of life in him. His elf like ears twitched when he heard the soft crunch of the waves shattering. And his life was gone.
June 12th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Character Description: About a rabbit called Bluebell
Bluebell’s soft, silky, fragile fur glistened in the morning dew as she hunted around poking her nose in every crack. She swiftly drew out some wet paper from under her pink, chewed water bowl reading it carefully her eyes dodging around every word looking for an answer. Her dainty, pink nose reached out again to the water bowl this time for a pen.
June 13th, 2008 at 7:38 am
HI Again
This isn’t a charter description,
I like Felix’s peace of writing because of his chose of words.
I also like Isabella’s setting and how she described The charter.
Camille’s one was cool because she used a beginning that hooked well me into the story.
Bye Anna
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:48 am
hi andrew
this is the adress for my blog
http://katessharingspace.blogspot.com/
hope you like it
from kate
June 24th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Isabella here,
Camille- I like how Camille described Bluebell the rabbits fur and how it was soft, silky and fragile.
Hugo- it hooked me in how in the start of his character description; Hugo explained what the autumn morning was like and how the leaves lay there on the ground. I also saw that he used a bit of onomatopoeia in it. (OOPS! And BANG!)
Anna- Can I have a guess who you were writing about in your 1st character description? Is it ‘Mr. Jones?’
June 24th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Here is a link to my awesome toon doo.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Its Amelia
Camille:I really liked how you described Bluebell and you hooked me in.:)
Hannah:I like the story you did and you used some descriptive language.:)
Isabella:you hooked me in and described your character well